Pretty afternoon, it looks the sun is extremely hot today and all I have done is eat, write and see a movie and a half.
Now playing: nothing, since Nathan is watching Winnie the Pooh.
Is it just me or these days there is not enough time for anything else. I’d need five more hours to be added to the usual 24 hours, thank you. I just saw the REALLY LOVE movie on Netflix as recommended by Amina, pretty good movie but what in the name of suspense was that ending? I really need to know, did the lovers get back together or were they forever broken?
I have been staring at this body con dress I’ve never worn because I have been always made to believe that thick ladies should not wear such outfits. People around me made it seem like having thick thighs and all was a sin I knowingly committed. Some give spiteful looks and comments and as a people pleaser who feels I need validation from most people, I most times felt bad. I avoided wearing anything but free dresses, damn, that life was exhausting and it certainly feels good to finally be over it.
My self-esteem was below zero till few weeks ago. I literally had a close friends list on WhatsApp with just a little above 30 viewers. I did not want anyone judging me based on what I post and I lost confidence in posting my photos, I almost stopped taking photos. Is it clear enough? It looks dark, the background looks absurd, my smile is too wide, so many self-belittling question and I forgot how to be happy. It was the life I made me choose, the only option I thought I had, I wanted to look perfect and that never happened. Before posting any photo on Instagram, I would spend weeks, sometimes months, scrutinizing and asking friends for validity, Anhell and Pelumi must be tired of me right now.
But it takes intentionality and discipline to get things done or you just hoping and puffing, never getting things done. Disregarding negative comments about my stature certainly helps but does not come easy. I wear whatever makes me comfortable and what I feel good in, you certainly should too. I feel it is a disgusting behaviour when people taunt others for wearing what they have and a more disgusting behaviour when people talk ill about other people’s body, knowing that they do not get to choose the kind of body they have. If any one comes at me with bad energy I definitely would school you on how minding your business comes in handy.
I went out a couple of times after my last blog post and it has been both draining and fun. Guess who is wearing that body con dress on my next outing, you certainly guessed right!
By the way, I thought Five feet apart, Archie: a dog story and Midnight sun were the only movies that could make me cry but I lost it when I saw Notes to my son and Kiss and cry. You should see those movies.